So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
