just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
