peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So much rum. So many feels.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
