so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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