i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
