His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Brb crying the tears of my youth
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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