There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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