Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
