what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
