Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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