First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
