I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
