oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize