then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
