How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
