I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
