i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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