For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
