hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
