I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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