i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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