just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
