if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
