He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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