i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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