i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
