farters have to be the big spoon...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
