i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
