I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
