Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
