So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
