Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize