i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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