So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
