of course. lets lasso hookers.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
