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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
