Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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