I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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