Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
