I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
