TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
