Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
