Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
