Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize