She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I could fuck to npr.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
