1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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