Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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