this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
