I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize