Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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