Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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