White coat. Heels.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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