So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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