so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
