Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
high people should be assigned attendants
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
