I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
