This is not my ceiling
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just high enough for therapy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
