tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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