I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
