I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
