Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize