he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
