Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
