I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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