I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
