hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
