That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
