fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
