the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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