the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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