yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
