better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize