party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
