Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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