DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
